The Hidden Power of Physical Connection

"We are each other’s habitat.” –Dr. James Coan

A combat veteran struggled to share in therapy because of the trauma he had experienced. When he brought his wife to the session, she held his hand when he started to shut down. Her touch unleashed a floodgate of tears as the vet began to share his trauma and feelings

Physical connection is about so much more than sex. Physical touch is essential to human development. In the podcast episode, “The Hidden Power of Physical Connection,” Dr. Keely Sikes Rollings and Dr. James Coan discussed many ways partners can benefit from a physical connection like hugging, kissing, tickling, lap sitting, cuddling, and handholding.

What the science says

Research done at Berkeley shows that teams that high-five and touch each other more win more games!

After his patient, the combat veteran, opened up with the touch of his wife’s hand, Dr. Coan began to research the effects of hand holding. He discovered that hand holding and physical touch can relieve pain and regulate emotions.

“We are each other’s habitat” means that you and your partner are hidden regulators for each other. You might not know that until you need it. Dr. Coan’s research concluded that hand-holding can take a person back to their non-threatening place, their habitat.

We can even communicate physically even when we are apart. Try singing to touch a person when you are not in the same place.

Key takeaways

If your physical affection has gone stagnant, never fear! Dr. Coan said it’s important to commit to creating solutions to improve your relationship and he suggests trying different things. For example, try a daily 30-second kiss recommended by John and Julie Gottman, which could turn up the heat later. Have fun!